Life's the Teacher

Whoever said Life has lessons to teach was not kidding.

I would never have been prepared for what I have learned over these past five years while growing up. The things you believe in seem trivial, the people you love and trust are strangers to you and the life you thought you figured out keeps unraveling itself.

Clearly, the woman who began this blog is not the woman writing this blog post today and will most certainly not be the woman who revisits this blog as the years rolls by. The kind of teacher life is encapsulated in three simple terms, realist, unforgettable and unsparing.

Life the Teacher

Life as a realist is a repeat term. Nothing gets more real than life itself. It's not a Jerry McGuire kind of existence. It happens in real time and in living color. There is no pause button on life and it will not give you a break from life to grasp what is going on about you. You make decisions as they come without fully understanding whether they were the right ones or the wrong ones. You do not get a preview of what's up ahead so you roll with the punches and hope for the best.

Life the unforgettable has the past linked to the present and the future. It is a series or chain of events. You remember those pizzas you devoured last month? Of course you do, in case you don't, your weighing scale does and if you keep it up, your poor heart will when you encounter a cardiac complication in the future. It is common to want to sweep things under the rug and pretend certain things did not happen. It is human to wish things away but that's not how life happens. What has a beginning, has an end. It does not matter whether you regret it or appreciated it, it will always have a follow through. This is something I can relate to.

Life the unsparing. If only life taught with a dose of Prozac, I would not mind what Life had to teach me. Heck, I would be front row of this class ready to learn. It is easy learning the good stuff but it is horrendous learning the bad, painful and awful stuff. The death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the loss of a job, the loss of financial stability... These are all part of Life's Human Syllabus.

Like all classrooms, Life has all sorts of students in attendance or there are absentees.  We all perform differently in Life's class and we all her difference track records.

Now that I have shed some light on who Life the Teacher is, what kind of student are you?

Power of association

There's so much you can learn from a gummy, drooling, happy 8 month old child. The kid has an amazing memory that makes me believe in the power of association. Our mind, being very powerful in itself, attaches little memories to certain things. A certain smell reminds you of school holidays or mom's home fries.

This is only at the grassroots level. How about the connection made between what you wear and what people think about you. If you wore torn and filthy clothes, people will not take you seriously. If you wore a pinstriped suit, people would imagine that you're a V.I.P. never mind that you "borrowed" it from your boss.

Standing next to a bank robber might give the flying squad the idea that you're part of the gang and they will proceed to treat you as one. Humans are social beings... that's a principle that is sang like a religious mantra in communication studies. Its true, we are social! Even the "anti-socials" hang out with their fellow "anti-social".

So back to my gummy, drooling, happy 8 month old child. My little darling knows when the phone is ringing, it's mommy on the phone and instantly, baby starts fighting for the phone, he can't talk yet but he has his rights to one phone call, doesn't he? Baby also knows that once the romper is opened the next thing going is the diaper so I get some unwanted assistance in changing the diaper.
There are so many things that baby's connected to other things and has a system of recognition.

Soon Baby will become a school going child and I only pray that this power of association will lean towards the positive and steer clear from the negative. I pray as little droller becomes a hormonal teen, the power of association will steer all acts and decisions towards righteousness and holiness.
I also pray that as hormonal teen becomes a young adult, the power of association will inspire the right decisions in life and a God fearing lifestyle.

As my young adult matures into a grown person, I pray that through the power of association, God's will, will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

That's my prayer for all mothers with young ones who are now learning the power of association.

Necessary ouchies

I know a number of grown men and women who grovel at the sight of a syringe being prepared for use. It's amazing how we never stop needing injections even after getting dozens of jabs.  

I can still remember the day mom took me to the health clinic when I was 5 years. I had no idea why we went but I'm sure if i did, I'd have bolted right out of that building before you could say vaccine. The irony was that I had not sensed danger until the syringe was unleashed because all this time I was with Nurse who was our neighbour. My naive brain thought we went to visit her at work the way we visit dad in his office. Let's just say I didn't talk to our nurse neighbour for a while because my trust in her was lost. Injections hurt like a bee sting and the aftermath is what makes us uncomfortable for quite a bit yet we do this because we want to be healthy. How much more for our babies?

It seems cruel that we celebrate our baby's first year of life with rounds of injections and oral vaccines. If there was a way babies could get immunized without the injections and its aftermath, I would certainly head that way. My little baby is headed to the clinic to have another round of vaccines and the last visit is still fresh in my mind. The way Baby cried his little heart out when two jabs got right into his tiny thighs, I instantly felt mortified. He cried as if he was telling me how betrayed he felt because I allowed this to happen to him.

What made it worse as that he was excited, grinning, gurgling and cooing at me right before it happened. I think he must have thought I'm about to give him a bath, something he takes to like a fish to water. It suffices to mention that I spent the next 48 hours consoling him and reassuring the child that the bad man with the ouchies will not get him. Sad thing is, Baby has a long way to go if i go by the immunization card. Too bad Baby is too young to be comforted with ice-cream.

Heartbreaking as this routine is, these are the necessary ouchies that we must put our children through so that their little bodies have a fighting chance in this diseased earth. It makes me wonder whether our world has become more diseased or our immune systems has corroded deplorably. All I know is either health providers or the pharmaceutical companies or both are making a killing selling vaccines expensively.Thanks to organizations like Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, vaccines like Rotavirus will be available to all people from all the corners of the world. Possibly one day, vaccines will be free for all. The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation's Decades of Vaccines Initiative The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation's Decades of Vaccines Initiative

Glimpse

Lots of glimpses i've had, glimpses of what lovers share.

Nothing the Gregorian language can describe this but the 'sense' language can.

Touching him is addictive, its like i cant get enough of it

His scent, that scent so sweet, clean, fresh.


My days are filled to your wordless banter, your hearty silent giggles and gurgles. 


When you are fussy, shedding baby tears, I kiss them away, giving you reassuring hums.

The sight of him is what I longed for all day, all night.


His smile, his gummy smile is so captivating, melting the recipient of the such blessing.


So I continue to glimpse, using any excuse to gaze at his cherub face.


Watching him sleep is like looking at a Masterpiece, God's best work yet.

Goodbye size 10, Hello size 14

It's funny how I'd moan about how skinny I was and would declare how plus sized women had better options in clothing. I didn't think one day I'd balloon and be nowhere close to my past size. I spotted the skirt i wore during my first job interview and thought I'd try fitting into it. I couldn't get it past my hips that someone once described as motherly curves. I'm still trying to figure out if that is a compliment or an insult.
I know its impractical of me to think I'd drop a 3 kilo baby and come out looking like a size 10 but a girl could wish that she doesn't need to give up her skinny jeans. If there's one thing I'd advice any lady intending to get pregnant, don't buy any clothes pre-pregnancy, you may never wear them again! I have a blouse that i wore only twice. So I have this suitcase of clothes that I need to let go off even though I looked fabulous in them.
Funny thing is, I'm remaining with 5kgs yet in my eyes I look massive. I mostly feel as if those 5kgs are centralized in my belly pouch. There's no hiding that I had a baby! Let me not start moaning about the widened hips. Yes ladies, when you are on the birth train, your pelvic bone shifts and widens in preparation for birth. That's why lot's of women who have given birth have wide hips, belly pouch and, sometimes, a generous bust. Don't let the Jenny Lo's and Jolie's fool you that you'd come out a perfect 10 after dropping a bambino.
Not everything is a downer with post pregnancy and body. I finally have a bust and hip size that makes a diner dress look fantastic. The tricky bit is the belly pouch, and boy is it causing major struggles in wearing lady pants that comfortably fits me elsewhere.
I'll just hold out for another 3 month and exercise before I declare no turning back on my good looking size 10s but there's no way I'm remaining with a belly pouch.
Death to the belly pouch! Ok, right after I get my fill of fudge cake.

Week 16

My little angel, you are now 16 weeks old and slowly getting bigger inside me. Your daddy and I love you so much. Sometimes, daddy talks to you and I dont even know what he tells you and he never fails to gives you lots of kisses each day. We cant wait to meet you, to see you grow, to hear you speak, to see you walk and laugh. We hope we will never fail as parents with you, we hope we can best prepare you for your future in this big unfamiliar world. I know you'll be scared the first day you arrive on this earth but remember daddy and I will do our best to protect you and keep you safe. Your two grandmas are driving me nuts with their fussing and I know there will be more of that once you make your grand appearance. The special thing about you is that you will be the first grandchild for my parents and daddy's parents, that is why there is all the fuss about you.

You'll get to know Uncle Muiruri, Uncle Mark, Uncle Eric, Aunt Joy (but dont call her Aunt coz she wont like it much so Joy will do for her. :D) and there is Aunt Cathy, all of whom are from your daddy's side of the big family awaiting your prescense. On my side there is Uncle Steve/Ndungu, Aunt Wangari, Uncle David and Aunt Dama. Let's not forget your dotting grandparents... there's your daddy's mom Cucu Tabby, daddy's dad Guka Allan, my very own mommy Cucu Ruth/Muthoni and my dad, Guka Mbugua. Last but not the least, you will get to know your great-grandma, daddy's own grandma.

There are lots of other family members you will meet but you have a lifetime to get to know them so no rush there. I dont know when you'll be able to read this or understand what I'm writing but i thought you'd think it interesting that I typed this up when you were only 4 months in my tummy. I know you and daddy will be best of friends and I bet he'll give you lots of special surprises that you'll love.

Sleep tight my darling, I'm famished and I need to get cooking coz feeding both of us is no joke! :) I love you honey, daddy loves you too.

Your eager mother

Diapers, maids and all

Today baby, I almost had a mental meltdown. You are just 8 weeks and maid number 3 is exiting. I’m beginning to wonder whether wonderful maids who stay for years really exist. I usually wonder whether you’ll remember any of them. The thing I thank God for is that none of them were cruel to you.

Today began with the mission to the hospital for your second round of DPT and polio. You didn’t like the first round and tears were shed. This time round, you wailed your heart out to the point where you fell asleep immediately. The first time was easier because you only had one injection; this 2^nd time had 2 injections and so both thighs were sore.

Now I understood why they space out these injections, so that you may forget the pain you had felt for a month. This may sound random and queer but i found it fascinating seeing your blood. In my mind, your blood is a result of your dad and I’s DNA. Hmm…

The day before was also a tough day for your Aunt Joyce; she had to undergo surgery for 4 hours and now she has to have full bed rest for 3 weeks. I'm not sure how she’ll obey the bed rest thing considering she’s always the up-n-go kind of person. She adores you to bits, considering she was there from the moment you appeared into this earthly existence. The hospital has a policy for children so I won’t be able to take you to see her until she’s discharged. She’ll be staying over at your Guka and Cucu for Buru till she fully recovers.

It’s been pretty cold lately to the point where people are bitterly complaining about the weather. For you and me, we are mostly indoors so we can’t tell either way coz we’re safe and snug at home. I'm thinking I had my maternity leave at the most opportune time and maybe all the possible future siblings of yours ought to share the same birth month as you. J Just a thought.

As usual, daddy fell asleep before me and miraculously, for the first time in days, you slept way before midnight. I was beginning to fear that you will adopt the habit of sleeping at midnight, meaning that when I return to work I’ll be sleeping for 5 hours only. 5 hours because you seem to delight in waking at dawn. Being very sleepy, I’ll stop at this paragraph and listen to you breath then fall into sweet slumber. Today was a rough day for you and I. Tomorrow may be worse or better but so long as its God, you, me and your daddy… let tomorrow worry about itself. The maid issue will be resolved as well.

Love you my little prince

EDD

Guess what baby, I really think you’re coming today. It’s the 40^th week and 3rd day, 2 days after your EDD but I think this is it. I started feeling pain and it’s increasing in intensity. It started at 4am and I think its Showtime. Your dad is soundly asleep, but I’ll wake him up a little later. The pain feels like a bad case of food poisoning so I actually thought last night’s food didn’t go quite well with me.

I’m a little anxious coz I’m hoping I’m ready for this yet I don’t think anyone can truly be ready for the birth of their 1^st child. I’m thinking I take a nice hot shower before I get your father up and rushing me to leave for hosi. I'm actually jealous about your dad sleeping so soundly but I know he’ll have a long day today. I’m hoping that he would be a little secretive about the hosi we’ll go and which ward but I think the pride and joy of having a child is overwhelming he just can’t stop telling the pple he’s acquainted to let alone family and friends.

My game plan is to have my laptop so that I can introduce you via Skype to aunt Kanini who’s on vacation in States with her fiancé. I also put some series and movies to self-entertain while in hosi.

I have a handy software in my phone that records contractions so that I can tell Doctor Ng’ayu how intense the labor is. I mostly got the software coz your dad tends to exaggerate a little and may panic the doc too early.

I just thought, if this was false labor I can’t imagine how real labor will be like coz these intense cramping is as real as it gets. J if you came today, you are definitely a weekend baby who wanted to check out the world scene on Friday. J Hilarious!

So I figure I continue with my series watching for like half an hour before I declare that you wish to appear. I hope Dr. Ng’ayu makes it to your delivery.

Week 36, Day 6

Its week 36 and day 6 or if you round of, 37 weeks of you being in my belly. This means this week and onwards, you are safe to emerge into this large world as your father and I as your paternal guardians. So many things need to be planned and I feel like things are spinning out of control. I want the best for you and making choices for us is so hard.

You no longer have the space you enjoyed these past few months so now it’s mostly turns and nudges from you. In addition to that, you positioned yourself well, in eager preparation to meet your future. We figured we call you Byron, just coz we stumbled across it in the net, Waithaka because the name belongs to your daddy’s father and Kihara because that is the name of the family waiting for you.

I always wondered how anyone hears their own voice when their ears are filled with the voices of others. That’s what I'm dealing with now and I pray for strength to have my voice heard.

I don’t know whether it was fair to you that I agreed to move so far away from where I work making it impossible to rush home if you needed me. I don’t think I was right to let others decide what concerns you giving the impression that I was not prepared for you. I know they can never substitute me in your life because there can only be one woman who gave birth to you. That’s me buddy, little ol Naomi Wairimu, wife of Kihara Wambui, daughter of Mbugua and child of the Kingdom.

Your existence also coincides the time I'm reconnecting with your father, my first love and has a lot of interesting twists and turns. So many things I hadn’t noticed in him that I'm discovering them now.

I pray that God gives us the strength and wisdom to raise you right. I pray He will guide us each day on our future together as the Kiharas’.

PS, Today’s Mother’s day and guess what?? Because of you, I get to celebrate it. All in all, see you soon my dear son, it was interesting having you in me these past 9 months. Very interesting indeed!!!

Nine months and waiting

Its a beautiful Saturday morning and you, my dear Bee, are still nestling in my womb. Your Uncle Mark hoped you would be born yesterday so that you two can share birthdays but I think you had other ideas. So you are officially in Week 39, Day 4 in Wombsville with no sign of emerging yet but clearly you want to take a few shots of your mother's ribs before you can no longer get away with it.

Everyone from both sides of the family are dreaming and imagining that you're already here and are call to check every hour. Even my workmates are also obssessing about it. :) its kinda heart warming coz i thought no one was that interested in our development. its good to be wrong. The day you come will be a first for all of us. First child for your Dad and I, first day for you, first grandchild for our parents, first nephew for your uncles, first birth for me... Im a little anxious but I think with God on our side, we should be alright. :)

I think the names we chose for you will suit you just fine. :) in the future, when you get a baby sister, she'll be Wambui and if a baby brother, he'll be Mbugua. :) Its Kikuyu naming system that you will understand how it goes later on.

We got our first househelp, as the Kihara family, yesterday. She's called Grace and hopefully things will work out between us. You're dad is still sleeping soundly which is a good thing because the last few days, he's hardly been getting any sleep lately. He's been expecting to here me tell him when you'll start coming. :) I think he's relaxing and realising only God knows when so there's no point stressing about it so he'd better be rested enough for the excitement that comes with baby's arrival. :) I've been getting lots of stuff for you to wear or use from friends family... its so warming and overwhelming.

All i need to trace are a dozen socks for you and we're set for the first days. :)

Take your time my dear child, but just know you have less than 2 weeks to make a grand appearance or we'll have to remove you forcefully. :) Im grateful to God that He's kept you safe and healthy throught my pregnancy. Come to think of it. I think mothers ought to be bought for presents at their children's birthdays because, we did all the carrying and laboring, we ought to be appreciated as well. All I know is that I'm slowly transforming into my mother and its creepy! I was thinking yesterday that I'll be sad the day i'll have to discipline you. :) I know you'll think im being ironic but when you have your first child, call me up and tell me if I'm still being ironic.

:) Your eager and novice mother!!!

4 1/2 months expectant

My darling Bee, today is when you are 18weeks and in three days you'll be 19 weeks in my womb. I'm not feeling well because im having my first cold sore and its really aggressive. I pretty much look like a boxer who had a nasty beating in the face. :) Dont worry, it's not your fault at all. Doctor K. from Mater Hospital says being pregnant lowers my immunity that's why the cold sore is really aggressive.

So far i can barely feel you in inside me but i know you're very active inside me. Your grandma Wambui came to see your dad and I yesterday when she heard that i was having a nasty cold sore. It was interesting coz this was the first time she's visiting us. When she was leaving, she got into a confrontation with the neighborhood night guards who thought they could intimidate her for parking close to the next compound gate.

Just know that if ever someone messes with you, they should hide from Grandma Wambui coz she's really protective of her own and since you're her first grandchild, no one should imagine doing anything bad to you. That doesn't mean that dad and I cant discipline you, that is part of loving you.

Well, let me continue to recuperate while your dad goes to church. sleep tight sweety and il eat soon so that you can feed well. :) mwaaaahh I love you bee!

New year resolution

The beginning of a new year, the start of ideas that only fit in 2010. I need to work on my weaknesses which were quite evident last year. I thought i stood for what i believed for and wanted out of life but sadly, i seemed busy worrying about offending others. This has hindered me from achieving lots of things. Jed was instrumental in highlighting this and for his sake and mine, i will work on it this year.

My relationship with my family is always peculiar, on the surface... wonderful but deep down we are strangers who share a name, bloodline and history. The key question i have now is, how do i become a friend to a parent who was nothing more than a parent for all my life? with all their control issues that i am slowly becoming weary of, i don't know how to meet my mother's expectation. how do you become a friend to someone who antagonizes you constantly?

A challenge i give myself, how can i use the knowledge i have gain thus far to help the youth face their demons?

stunning graphics

Whoever made this... wow!

Hats off for the professional boxers

One thing that most people cannot take is a blow to their ego. To some that can be fatal and they blow up like a H-bomb, others, curl up and wait for the earth to swallow them. Boxers are however different species, they stagger up after each pounding fist that knocked them off their feet. One of the deadly punches they take is called the upper cut.

Karma who?

I definitely love it when wrongs done in the past are righted and especially when you didn't even struggle for it. it cracks me up how actions tend to loop within time. something you did some time ago and the consequences of it just rears its ugly head or pretty one, making you face up to it.
Lovely!

Unhappy anniversary

No wonder I'm in such a foul mood. It's been 5 years since my virgin heart was crushed by the realities of life. I was the saddest little thing in a 500 km radius with not a single happy thought about anything. Rock bottom was my bed to lay on as humiliation was my cushy pillow.
I had loved and loved and loved. Later on, I forgot what it means or feels to love.
So, unhappy anniversary darling! You've lived through the dark ages!

Caution

No such word like caution in my vocab with you.
I find myself gravitating towards you like a moth to a flame.
I know il burn but it's so bright, so warm, so inviting...
No safety net here, just a looney on the sky diving team jumping with no chute
Against my better judgement, i'm enjoying the ride and letting the rest take care of itself knowing full well that it'll be me who'll have to pick up the pieces once my ride to earth comes to a thud.

Intense hate or love

Is it possible to hate you? Is it possible to hate you so much because I love you so much??
The feeling of being weak in the knees coz of feeling you next to me is sickening and a drug to me.
Is it pure hate or immense love?

As I wait...

time decided to stand still for me.
It waited for me to fall in love with me again.
It saw to it that i felt again and that I could hurt again.
Only then could time let me move on, move forward.